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here was the scenerio.. me and master were talking on the phone. things were getting a little hot and heavy and he wanted me to "talk to him" he wanted me to tell him what i would like to do to him. Now..i can talk..I'll talk your ear off on some things.. and in the middle of an orgasm I can turn the air blue..lol. "Talking" is not the problem. my problem is "explaining what i'm seeing in my head" hearing those words come out of my mouth. Hearing me say "I'm taking you in my mouth and playing with the head of your cock while cupping your balls in my hand...etc.." Hearing those words..or words similar to that.... I can't say those words. I can't! I've never ever been able to. they physically get stuck in my throat and choke me. my mind goes blank and all i can think is "Oh shit.. i've got to say something" They sound stupid coming out of my mouth. I've always had a problem saying certain words. I'm much better at writing that kind of stuff..i can write about it all day long..but to actually have to say it.. to hear those words coming out of my mouth in my voice.. i just can't. I hate that i can't say them..i wish i could say them as easily as some people do..it annoys the hell out of me that i can't just open my mouth and say whatever the hell i want when i want. i can say pussy cat, and pussy willow and not hesitate..have no problem at all.. but to say.. i want you to touch my pussy.. i can't do it.. i can say .."I want you to touch my..." and then my throat closes up and "THAT" word won't come out. I've even tried using different words... thinking maybe if i called it something else..it would be easier to say.. and it's not. I honestly don't know WHY i can't say that.. or words similiar to that.. I don't know why my throat closes up and my mind goes blank..it just does.. and i hate it. so anyways.. he wanted me to "talk" to him.. and i wanted to do it. I tried to do it.. and i just couldn't do it. so i didn't say anything. :( and i got punished. He gave me a couple different chances.. warned me what would happen if i didn't say it.. and i couldn't do it. i felt horrible. so he made me go get my plug and my clamps and turn on my cam. He told me to aim the cam towards the floor because usually i have it situated so that all you can see is my face. i had to kneel on the floor across the room so he could see me..and he had me put my plug in and put my clamps on. One side of the clamp on my right breast..and the other was suppose to go on my clit *ouch!!* it wouldn't stay there..it kept falling off. :( (I'm sorry Master) so he had me put it on my lip instead. Then i was told to put one hand behind my head and hold the phone with the other hand. I was told to crawl on my knees across the floor towards the cam..and then back again. The first trip took me a long time to make. mostly because of that fact that i was aware that the cam was on and he was watching and i froze. I didn't want him to see me like that. (which i know is stupid..) I literally had to force myself to crawl towards the cam that first time. I couldn't look up from the floor..i was too embarrassed. I didn't want to see him..seeing me. the trip back was the hardest of all though for me. because i knew that he would be able to see the end of the plug against the white of my ass and i could just picture it in my head..it looked ridiculous or gross and i didn't want to look that way to him. (sittin here writing this.. i've just realized that my hardest hurdle to overcome is my pride. I don't want to be made to look silly or ridiculous.) hmmmmmm gonna have to think on this a bit.... anyways.. because my first trip took me so long..i had to do another. to the cam and back. once that was done.. he had me put my hands on the floor in front of me and raise my ass in the air for a spanking. (now your probably reading this and wondering how he was going to spank me.. since we're not actually together... let me see if i can explain this part a little bit) I have a very VERY active imagination. when he's explaining things to me..i can literally feel it like it's actually happening. I can close my eyes and picture it and "feel" it. I know, I know..it doesn't feel exactly like what it would feel like if he was actually here...and actually doing them to me...but it all has to do with my mindset..where my mind and thoughts and feelings are at the time. k so i'm kneeling there on the floor..hands in front of me and my ass is raised up.. and he's spanking me..i can hear the sounds over the phone and inside..in my soul...it felt like he actually "WAS" spanking me. i almost started crying..i was fighting really hard not to because it hurt..and it hurt that i had disappointed him. finally, He stoppped and it was over..and i was emotionally exhausted. He told me to take the plug out but to leave the clamps on. He told me that he loved me...and i said i love you too... and it soothed my heart and soul to hear those words from him and to be able to say them back..and mean them with every cell in my body. I love you Master.. i really truly do love you with everything that i have. After sitting there for a few mins to catch my breath.. he had me take the clamp off my lip and attach it to my other breast. man......it hurt coming off my lip..lol.. omg. He told me to lean back against the wall behind me.. then he started "talking to me"..telling me the things he wanted to do to me..and he told me to close my eyes and imagine that he was there...that his hands and lips were on me..omg i was so wet... He told me to spread my legs apart a little bit..and part of me struggled with that.. i didn't like the thought of being that exposed. I kept picturing in my mind..how that had to look and it disgusted me.. but i forced myself to do it.. i was whimpering and whining a little..but i did it.. I was very proud of myself after doing it thought. becuase that's a big hang up i've got. afterwards... i laid on the floor just kind of floating and smiling and we talked for a few more mins. then we told each other we loved each other and hung up and went to bed.
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